Where Do You See Purple?

I’ve found myself grieving in the past few days. I’m feeling pain and loss, as I am realizing I have so limited my life, sorting out what I too quickly deem unimportant, that I didn’t appreciate Prince for the awesome talent that he was. I didn’t allow myself to be aware of his genius.

And if I ignored him, right there in front of me all of those years, who else have I missed?

There is value in my grief and pain, because in the past few days those painful feelings have caused a profound shift and expansion in my awareness.

I know better than to grieve for what should have been. I know that I simply did not have the capacity for that kind of appreciation in years past. I was “too busy” pursuing “more important” things that mattered to me, like studying for law school, developing my law practice, going out with friends.

I didn’t love Purple Rain when I saw it in 1985. I have to admit I didn’t even really like it all that much. I liked the music, but I didn’t choose to pay attention to more of Prince’s music. And at the time I didn’t really relate to the story. So not relating to it, over the years, when the movie was on some movie channel, I might watch a scene or listen to a song, but then I’d move on without another thought about it. Not my thing.

When Prince changed his name to the symbol, calling himself “The Artist Formerly Known as Prince,” I scoffed and rolled my eyes, like so many others, concluding it was a silly publicity stunt. My scoffing was encouraged by the mainstream media. This, of course, was exactly what Warner Brothers (and huge business) wanted from us.

I was offended when he printed “SLAVE” on his face. Thinking it was in poor taste as another simple, superficial publicity stunt, I dismissed him further.

With the tremendous opening of video libraries in tribut to Prince’s music, I’m now learning that what is “public,” like Prince’s “pop” songs, “Little Red Corvette,” “Raspberry Beret,” etc., is not the whole of him. It makes me appreciate that what we see is only the surface of the whole of someone.

In the past few days, I also learned that Prince changed his name to a symbol in 1993 in order to protest his contract with Warner Brothers, which was demanding that he release less music so that they could control demand. This resulted in a drop in record sales for him.

In the past few days, I’ve watched Purple Rain several times. I realize now that the story was so close to my own painful reality, that at a very deep, unconscious level, I couldn’t allow myself to relate to it then. I now have such a profoundly deepening appreciation for the complexities of Prince’s artistry and the courage he had that formed the basis of his integrity as an artist. I’m seeing purple in all sorts of places I never saw it before.

I now wish I had dug deeper at the time so that I understood and could have spent more time appreciating that the stand Prince was taking required incredible courage, conviction and integrity. To shock. To offend. To demand publicity. I now understand that those are expressions that deserve an investigation into the meaning behind those actions. To challenge the power that provides you with your economic well-being: who among us mere mortals has the balls to do that?

It’s so easy to say, “I wasn’t a fan.” And then turn the channel or scroll past the video post from your Facebook Friend who was a Prince fan. But maybe it’s worth taking a moment or 5 minutes to stop and listen. Listen to what those who loved him have to say about him. Listen to those that love anyone has to say about him or her. Be open.

Now I am realizing how important it is for me to appreciate and to be open to the complexities and artistry of each and every person I encounter. Listen to what their fans say about them. Listen to what the ones who love them say about them. It makes your own life richer to see and be aware of the genius among us, because these artists and icons have a personal message for each of us.

And for each one of us who takes a moment to be open to more fully appreciating someone, that makes Prince’s legacy even more powerful and deepens each of us into our own wholeness.

Prince deserves our respect. He deserves our appreciation. Beautiful, Loved & Blessed. I’m now seeing Purple everywhere.

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Posted in Coaching

Who Do You Love, Baby?

You’ve probably heard people say, “Learn to love yourself!” or, “You need to love yourself more!”

I thought that they knew something about me that I didn’t. That somehow my behavior was revealing a truth about a flaw that they could see that I could not. I thought it meant that I didn’t love myself enough.

Really, I didn’t know what “love yourself” meant.

I’ve decided that for me it means devotion to my upliftment.

I returned to yoga practice a few months ago, after scaring myself with a fall and hurting my leg and severely aggravating previously dormant sciatica. The yoga was intended to stretch the pain out of my body.

At first the decision to practice yoga was a reaction to pain: a necessity. But soon I noticed a shift in my attitude and approach to it.

The yoga solved the pain problems pretty quickly. But by then I noticed, in a way I had not experienced before, that it felt good to stretch my body first thing in the morning. Really good.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. It pulled, it pinched, it creaked, it snapped. (Still does.) Those were not uplifting sounds.

But something new developed in my experience. I began to feel present in the movement and in the moment with my body. I found that giving my attention to my body, devoting to my body’s improvement was something I was actually looking forward to every day. It was, and is, a mind-body-spirit connection.

I’ve practiced yoga off and on for 25 years, but it had always been with the intention of, or the perspective of, someone else’s idea of what’s good for me. “You should…” in order to lose weight, to tighten my butt, to counter-act my self-destructive habits, like drinking gallons of Diet Coke a day. But with that have-to mindset, it eventually, and usually quickly, became a chore. Now I really look forward to my yoga first thing in the morning. I’m doing it only because it feels good.

I feel uplifted in this devotion. This feels like self-love.

Other ways in which I devote myself with an act of love is eating foods that feel good going in and through my body; noticing my thoughts and catching limiting decisions or negative thoughts and reversing them so that I feel better and more resourceful. I show love for myself by expressive myself in these blogs. Loving myself by expressing and exchanging ideas with my friends. Laughing with my friends.

How do you express love for yourself? How do you devote your time and attention to yourself in an expression of love and compassion and kindness?

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Bedside Politics

I had a conversation with my chiropractor yesterday about Obamacare and personal responsibility for your own well-being.

It all began while I was just sitting there on that funky chair/bed thing he has in his office after the treatment. He was giving me kudos for coming back to see him even though my recent eruption of sciatica had all but disappeared. I was silently congratulating myself about the compliment he gave me.

He said, “I wish more people were like you.” (Big inside smile and positive self-talk, “Yay! I did good!”). “I wish more people would come in for maintenance and periodic adjustments so that they don’t get to the point where they need to come to see me.”

At that point, we were sympatico. I continued my inside smile which was maybe showing up on the outside too.

Then he hit me with the bomb: “That’s the problem with Obamacare.” (What?!?! Aren’t you supposed to stay away from politics with your patients and clients, especially those that you barely know?…Really, Noooooo! Don’t do it! Don’t go there!)

I awoke from my A-student daze and gazed up at him, apparently he confused my inside terror with a welcoming, tell-me-more vibe, because he told me more.  I have to admit, I was a little anxious at this point. (Please don’t go there. I like you. You just complimented me. Don’t say something stupid that I’m going to have to judge you for.)

He started with, “Now with Obamacare that covers everything…” Then he fixed it: “People wait until they are in pain and then go to their regular doctors for meds, tests and ultimately, surgery. If they would come to their chiropractors on a maintenance schedule, they probably wouldn’t get to the point where they even need the meds, tests, and surgery.” (OK: now we’re on to something. I deftly pivoted away from the politics. I really like my chiropractor and don’t want to have to hate him now.)

I said, “Well, it’s all about personal responsibility, isn’t it. I deal with a very similar situation as a breakup/divorce/co-parenting mediator. People would rather wait until the problem is too big and out of their hands, spending exorbitant amounts of resources and leaving their fate to a judge. When I remind them that if they choose to effectively communicate with their “ex,” and work to directly negotiate their desired outcome for themselves, they avoid spending their lives, their energy, their money, their health, and their well-being tied up with someone that they are trying to remove from their lives, which is exactly what happens when people wait until they are in pain.

So even though my chiropractor teetered on the edge of political correctness, we were really on the same page. (Sigh of relief!) When dealing with a brewing problem, something that’s a bit of a pain, you have a choice: you can intervene at that point and manage it with the least amount of resources (like a couple of chiropractic manipulations, biweekly healing massage, and a few minutes of daily yoga stretches)(or) (like schedule couples’ counselling, maybe even personal coaching for yourself, hire a mediator early on for a few hundred bucks to help both of you facilitate a desirable and relatively amicable ending) or you can do nothing, tell yourself you don’t have time to deal with it right now, blame anything and everything but yourself, try to ignore it, continue to be pissed at your ex, and end up resenting your them for whatever they did to you, and maybe even lying on a gurney awaiting an emergency discectomy.

Taking personal responsibility and addressing the issue head on is easier, quicker and significantly less expensive than waiting until it’s full blown, really painful and requires surgical excision with a long post-op recovery period.

 

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Posted in Coaching

Hug It!

They said, “Embrace the pain.” “Embrace the challenge.”

What does that even mean?

Why would I want to do that?

They’re crazy. Why hug something that’s bringing me pain? That’s like asking me to hug a rattle snake.

What it took me all of this time until now to figure out is that there’s a lot more to it than a big embrace.

What pain and challenge is teaching is empowerment: how to be and embody the energy of power and strength and confidence in the face of something that seems more powerful than you and dangerous.

For some, empowerment means accepting that the pain is there and pushing through it; just tolerating it. Going to bed exhausted and irritated. Getting up and going to work stressed. Enduring. Coming home and being irritable with your family.

Or,

Empowerment means looking at it, accepting that it’s there, and recognizing that if you manifested the challenge with your thoughts, you also manifest the solution with your thoughts.

In order to achieve a different result than you had before (like stressing through it), though, you have to shift your mindset from bracing for it to a different perspective, so that you are instead, looking at it like you’re doing your 3rd-grader’s math homework.

By shifting your perspective about the pain, you realize that it dissolves as soon as you are approaching it, being curious about it, and figuring out the strategy for how the pieces of the pain puzzle fit together. Then it dissolves as easily and smoothly as melting butter.

That makes embracing the pain and the challenge rather exciting, like a good crossword puzzle, don’t you think? Like having to figure out how to get home from work when your regular route is under construction.

Just something to think about.

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Now Year’s Resolutions

By now most of you have given up on your New Year’s Resolutions before reaching your desired outcome. Why? Because you don’t have time to make a good meal before you have to get the kids to their game, or you hurt your knee and just don’t have the energy to start that project, or your dad died and you’ve just been so stressed you can’t quit caffeine now. We’ve all been there. It’s a struggle. The universe is not cooperating with your intentions by paving a smooth path for you. But the real reason is……wait for it…. you’re going to like it!…

Habits of thought. Yes! Habits of thought control around 99% of all of your behavior. If your habits of thought support your desired outcome, then you’re among those who are already succeeding with your goals for the year.

But if you’re not in that group, and you’ve already just about given up, don’t let go just yet. The pathway to your happier, healthier and wealthier life is right there in front of you, waiting for you to take the next step.

And even if you are already succeeding, and yay for you! you will improve your results and enhance your journey of success and happiness by developing and refining your habits of thought.

Here’s how you do it: think the thoughts that successful people think.

Easy for me to write, right?

Here are some of the habits of successful people:

Successful people recognize that if they are not achieving their goals, if they are not already experiencing their desired outcome, they are being limited by false, unproductive unconscious beliefs that no longer serve them, and they do whatever it takes to change what doesn’t work to what does work. Successful people change how they think and feel.

1. Successful people replace their negative self- talk with positive self-talk.

2. Successful people choose to believe that they deserve success.

Let’s try an experiment. Let’s find out what you unconsciously believe about success.

Right now, I want you to say and complete this phrase to yourself:

“I don’t deserve success because…” (wait 1 second and stop.) The very first thought that came to you is your self-talk. What you said to yourself comes from your habits of thought.

I’d like you to take a moment and notice whether that thought was positive or negative.

Now, I want you to say and complete this phrase to yourself:

“I deserve success because…” (wait 1 second and Stop). Again, the first thought that came to you is your self-talk, and this talk reflects your habits of thought.

Did it feel positive or negative?

3. Successful people do the important things FIRST. You have to make your goal the priority. Everyone thinks they’re too busy. Remember that Oprah, Warren Buffet, Ryan Seacrest, and Richard Branson all have the same 24 hours in a day that you do. So, do what they do. Start your big task or project at the beginning of the day. Leave your emails to later in the day, or better yet, delegate your routine business and junk mail to someone else.

The wording of your resolution, your unique self-talk, is really important to your success. For example: instead of saying “I want to lose 12 pounds this year,” consider framing that goal this way: “I will eat healthier this year.” Instead of focusing on your desired outcome, your resolution focuses on daily or even hourly habits, and still leaves room for your success even if you don’t eat perfectly all the time. When your resolution is “I will eat healthier this year,” instead of letting the feeling of success be dictated by the scale, you feel the reward of success every time you make the choice to eat healthier food.

So now that you know what thoughts will lead to your success, how to make them your habits? Come on, all of those daily affirmations (eye roll) and positive thinking platitudes (double eye roll) and memes (one more eye roll with a smirk) don’t really work, do they. You’ve tried them before and you always go back to the same results. Right?

Right here I want to write about exactly how habits develop in your mind, but I’ll leave the super-interesting discussion about the physiology of habits of thought to a later post.

So let me jump to this statement: There are all sorts of techniques any of us can do at any time for replacing old unproductive habits with new habits of thought.

You absolutely establish new habits of thought, i.e. repattern your mind, by adopting more productive, encouraging, successful thoughts and self-talk.

Some people accelerate effective changes for their success through meditation, hypnotherapy or NLP. I’ve done all of them for myself with great results.

The key is to use a technique and consistently use language that feels and sounds good to you, that uplifts you, that feels encouraging to you.

And when you’re in that uplifted encouraged state of mind, research shows that you are significantly more resourceful, meaning that you have thoughts and insights about how to resolve that problem of eating a healthy dinner and getting the kids to the game on time.

So how about taking your first step to your desired results by changing your thought of New Year’s Resolutions to Now Year’s Resolutions. By changing one thought, from eye roll on affirmations, to “Maybe I could start my day with the uplifting and positive Pointer Sisters’ I’m So Excited,” (one of my personal faves), you are on the path to success now, to your Now Year’s Resolutions!

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Posted in Coaching

It’s the Real Thing!

This weekend, I was watching the series finale to Mad Men, again for the millionth time. As I watched Don Draper sitting in lotus position and chanting, and I was again clapping to myself “Bravo! Bravo!” I realized that there must be people out there who do not like the ending to the story. I’ll bet they think that it was frivolous of the writers to have Don Draper go off to a yoga retreat in California to get in touch with his feelings. And I’ll bet they scoff as Don Draper suddenly sees the light, hugs a man in despair and cries, and now his life is on track. I’ll bet they were really disappointed in that episode.

But I applaud the Mad Men writers yet again, because I realized that that is the problem with the personal development movement. It has been contextualized in a blanket of moral superiority and frivolity.

The problem with many healers is that they attempt to inspire you to be your higher self as if it’s a moral imperative, like you’re morally superior if you choose to push through your shit and reach an enlightened level. Who knows what enlightened is, anyway?

The flip side of that endeavor, the downside of encouraging others to choose personal development because it’s “what we’re here to do,” is that if you choose to be who you are, as is, and cannot seem to break through your shit that you struggle and struggle with; for example, depression or anger, it’s like you’re morally inferior for being who you are.

I’m one of those people who has always been drawn to personal development: books, seminars, lectures, conversations. I love it all! Now I choose to lead and coach others, because I personally know how good it feels to end the struggle of cycles with depression, anger, addiction, and so on. I don’t want to see suffering in others because I know the torture of suffering. Those cycles and struggles have very real effects like heart attacks, high blood pressure, and obesity.

How to convey that personal development, reaching the higher level of yourself, is not a “should” ?  Like you’re not an intelligent or good person if you don’t?

It is for our quality of life, our health, that we process old, stuck beliefs and move them through and out, replacing them with the Truth of who we are: peace, love, connection.

Now I have the tools, experience and resources to transform the shit when it happens and maneuver the experiences and options that life gives us for better health.

And now, I’d like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony. ….It’s the real thing!

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Posted in Coaching

Your Voice Will Save You

Two minutes have never impressed me more.

Last Sunday, while watching the Grammys, I was pulled out of my mental lethargy when President Obama’s video appeared and I listened to him speak about violence against women and girls and the #ItsOnUs campaign. I was frankly surprised that the Grammys would take valuable time to include a message of substance like this, and I was super–impressed. But that’s not the 2 minutes I’m talking about.

What happened next woke me up! I saw the woman appear on stage. I heard her say her name, Brooke Axtell. I spent the first few seconds trying to figure out what band she is with or what pop song she sings. I listened as she began to talk. I kept expecting something funny and entertaining to happen. I watched her and listened as she talked. I realized she is a woman of education and some means. I heard her tell her story about falling in love with a charismatic and handsome man who slowly began to reveal himself as a threat. I was impressed with her authenticity as she explained that she committed herself to saving him and was then ashamed to realize she had chosen to be with a monster. I was captivated by her vulnerability as she described herself in a cycle of domestic violence and was nearly killed. I was moved to tears as she urged every person listening to use their voice to save themselves and others, to be a light in the darkness. I was moved to tears as I witnessed this woman set herself free, there alone on that big stage in front of all those people, and allow herself to be who she really is. Valuable. Beautiful. Loved.

I don’t think that being a victim of physical abuse is necessary to relate to Brooke Axtell’s story. So many women I know, myself included, have dived into an exciting relationship with a man only to discover slowly, bit by bit over time, that he needs our “help.” He never directly asks or demands. No. He’s a master of manipulation. He deviously compels us to devote all of our energy to him. He deftly activates our kindness and responsibility buttons to save him, heal him or fix him. And we try our damnedest. Finally, exhausted, we realize that we were doomed to failure from the start. We could never save him, heal him or fix him.  And as we realize that we’ve been duped, that’s when the shame kicks in and prompts us to silence. Because when we reach out, that’s when we hear our families and friends say things to us like, ‘How could a woman like you, who’s so smart, so well educated, so successful, so attractive, so you’ve-got-everything-going-for-you, let that happen to you?’

Hear Brooke Axtell when she says, “Your voice will save you. Let it part the darkness.”

Hear Brooke Axtell when she says, “Authentic love does not silence, shame, abuse.”

I want you to really hear that message. Authentic love encourages, honors, respects and uplifts. Authentic love speaks directly and asks for what it desires.

I am devoted to transformation for myself and others through telling a new story that focuses on one’s desires. And one’s desires always include authentic love. I think that Ms. Axtell’s Grammys speech is a perfect example of how to tell a new story in such a way that one is true to herself and uses that moment, her words, to break her old pattern of the helpless victim into an empowered call to action which shifts the listener into awareness for change.

I applaud Grammys producer, Ken Ehrlich, for not only entertaining us with exceptional musical talent on Sunday evening, but using that commercially valuable time, the best two minutes of the Grammys, to teach us and inspire us and encourage us and uplift us.

I support President Obama and Brooke Axtell in this message to support all women, all people, to go as far as their talents and their dreams will take them. I am so proud to include their message as my first blog in “Thrival: The Blog” on my website, www.winthebreakup.net, as I launch my coaching program, Win the Breakup!

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Posted in Coaching

Mean Girls

Do you know what everyone says about you behind your back? Hmm? They say that you’re a homeschooled jungle freak, that’s a less hot version of me! (Regina George in Mean Girls)

Regina George, the high school queen bee who leads a pack of mindless believers called the Plastics, and the finest Mean Girl of all time, lives inside of you. She lives inside all of us.

Admit it. She’s there. She hides a spiteful personality behind a cute and innocent façade of good intentions. She calls it “self protection,” convincing you that her caustic comments are designed to keep you from doing something you will regret. You’ve decided to believe this, even though she makes you feel like shit, and so she is a powerfully manipulative force inside of you.

And evil takes a human form in Regina George. Don’t be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she’s so much more than that. (Janis in Mean Girls

The last time you tried on your favorite skinny outfit, I’ll bet you heard a conversation something like this in your head:

Regina: Oh my God, I love your skirt! Where did you get it?

Lea Edwards: It was my mom’s in the ’80s.

Regina: Vintage, so adorable.

Lea Edwards: Thanks.

Regina: [after girl walks away] That is the ugliest fucking skirt I’ve ever seen. (Mean Girls

Realize that this voice is not protecting you at all. She is really not your friend; she is your frenemy.

Your inner Mean Girl carries your own personal version of the Burn Book, the diary of your most embarrassing secrets and humiliations that you would rather forget, and she holds it over your head and threatens you with it any time you are about to step out and shine. She tells you that she’s there to protect you from doing something stupid.

[reading from the burn book] Made out with a hot dog? Oh my God that was one time! (Amber D’Alessio in Mean Girls

Ask yourself, is this productive? Is this allowing you to succeed? Is this allowing your happiness?

The truth is, you’ve been listening to these words, first from an adult close to you, and then from the voice inside of you, since you were a little kid. It’s so common that it’s normal to you now. You probably don’t even realize that you’re doing it most of the time.

The problem is that these are the words of the limiting beliefs that hold you back and keep you from living the life you wish you could. Holding yourself back, staying “safe” where you are, keeps you from enjoying your life.

I don’t hate you cuz yo’ fat… yo’ fat cuz I hate you! (Jessica Lopez in Mean Girls

You are designed to experience and grow. You are meant to step out and shine.

You might find yourself arguing with my comments at this point. You might find yourself thinking, this self talk keeps me grounded and keeps me motivated. OK. And how is that working for you? Notice that you’ve been saying these words to yourself and thinking these thoughts since you can remember, and it’s gotten you to where you are now. Stuck in sameness and wanting more, feeling frustrated.

Cady: Regina seems… sweet!

Janis: Regina George is not sweet! She’s a scum-sucking road whore, she ruined my life! (Mean Girls

On the other hand, think of someone in your life who always believes in you and always has words of encouragement for you. Maybe it’s your grandmother. Maybe it’s your high school basketball coach. As you think of that person and what they say to you, notice that you find yourself wanting to experience their expectations of you. That is, until the Mean Girl quashes those thoughts and positive feelings.

What if you were uplifted and encouraged all the time? Imagine the happy life you could have. What would you be doing? Would you ask that guy out on a date? Would you sell your home and finally move to Hawaii? Would you apply for that loan and start that catering business you’ve been dreaming of?

You can program your mind and rewire your brain to think the thoughts all the time that encourage and uplift you. Maybe that’s too much to ask right now. How about if you just silence the Mean Girl. Not only is it possible, it’s quick and effective and within reach. Begin by deciding to silence the Mean Girl no matter what.

Just imagine what you could do, have and be in your life if you were encouraged and felt good about yourself all the time.

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Posted in Coaching

What Robin Williams Teaches Us

We lost Robin Williams, and I am so sad for him and for all of us. By all accounts, he struggled in his life, particularly with depression and addiction. Since I, too, struggled with depression and addiction, I understand the depths it can take a person.

Unfortunately for all of us, Robin Williams did not find the permanent, reliable and effective tools for relief that he was looking for. His search continued until he gave up. And that makes me profoundly sad for him.

I think of struggle as a perpetual cycle of negative self talk and beliefs peppered with occasional moments of relief and hope for a better life. We struggle when we desire to change our lives for the better and we hope, but we do not address our false beliefs. False beliefs are unconscious and negative beliefs such as, “I’m not good enough” and “They don’t really love me.” The struggle cycle of hopefulness, disappointment, hopelessness, disappointment, hopefulness, and despair is painful and exhausting. If left unchecked, the negative becomes the stronger and stronger focus of your mind, eventually dimming and extinguishing the hope so that all you have left is hopelessness and despair.

In his fascinating work, The Biology of Belief, Dr. Bruce Lipton explains that the nature of a belief, or thought that you keeps thinking over and over again, is that it perpetually seeks evidence to support itself. In other words, when you keep thinking something, it turns into a belief, and that belief allows you to see only the reality that makes it true. You ignore all of the reality that makes it not true. You cannot see, hear or feel any other evidence, even when it is surrounding you or staring you in the face. You believe only your beliefs are true.

How do you know you have a negative, false belief at work, eroding your life? When your life is unsatisfying to you. When you are struggling.

While there are many viable ways to release yourself from the struggle, I found that for me, NLP was the most effective because it has given me exactly what I was looking for: permanent, reliable and effective tools to use whenever I find myself struggling, or in any negative emotion that wants to take hold of my life. Now that I know how powerful these tools are, I no longer accept that struggle is a natural part of life. Now, when the signs of struggle present themselves, I promptly apply my NLP tools and reverse the cycle of negativity and return to productive, powerful thoughts and behaviors.

Negative emotions are an essential part of who we are. Hopelessness, anger, fear, sadness, resentment, and disappointment tell us that we are not thinking and acting in the direction we want to be going. Negative emotions are our signs that something is wrong, and they give us the opportunity to shift our thoughts and behaviors to beliefs and actions that are aligned with who we really are and what we really want to be doing. In Good Will Hunting, Robin’s character, Sean Maguire, says, “You’ll have bad times but it’ll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren’t paying attention to.”

Robin Williams treated us to laughter and tears so that we could feel alive. I am grateful for his life of wonderful gifts that we enjoy again and again. The tragedy of his death is, in my opinion, his final gift to us. He teaches us the power of our thoughts. He teaches us what happens when we focus only upon negative thoughts. He teaches us what happens when we focus our thoughts into beliefs. He teaches us what happens when we allow a negative false belief to be true. He teaches us that we can focus on positive thoughts or negative thoughts.

In the days following his death, I listened to so many people who questioned how he could be so hopeless when he had achieved so much, entertained so many, created such laughter and joy, and had so much wealth. How could he suffer. Robin Williams teaches us that despite our successes and despite the love that is surrounding us, we can become so focused on our negative false beliefs, like he did, that we can no longer see, hear and feel the love and appreciation that is surrounding us and beckoning us out of the darkness. That is the power of thought.

His death has inspired me. I am committed to reaching out to the world with the assurance that spending time in struggle is unnecessary. Our thoughts and beliefs are powerful. We can choose to focus our thoughts on evidence of the love and support surrounding each of us. We are all more valuable than we believe.

Rest In Peace Robin Williams. You are my inspiration. Thank you for everything.

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Posted in Coaching

Sometimes You Just Have to Say…

Even though I credit NLP with all of the significant improvements in my life in the past 3 years: overcoming depression, eliminating allergies, recovering fitness, and attracting healthy relationships, and even though the changes were pretty quick and dramatic, I felt like I was swimming against the tide, going against the flow. Let me put it this way: I didn’t feel like I was blessed during this time.

A few months ago, I read Pam Grout’s book E2 in which she sets forth the universal principles and applications of Law of Attraction and presents 10 little easy exercises to demonstrate “proof” that the Field of Potential works for every single one of us, just like gravity does. With reservation I decided to do the first exercise. I was worried, though. What if by doing this exercise I absolutely prove that the universe is not on my side?

I tried the first couple of exercises in February 2014. I noticed no unique manifestations. I proved to myself that the Field of Potential, the universe, doesn’t work in my favor. I was disappointed but not surprised.

The purpose of a belief is to find evidence of its truth. I believed it wasn’t going to work for me and it didn’t.

I have a dear friend who has been encouraging me to just allow the universe to work in support of my desires. That requires me to suspend my belief that the universe doesn’t give me what I want. That isn’t easy. I have a lifetime of habits committed to feeling like I have to struggle.

So, today, feeling frustrated and still stuck in my rut, I re-read the first few chapters in E2. I thought, what the heck. It won’t hurt to set aside my experience and belief, just for purposes of this little experiment. I asked the universe for a blessing. You know what? The miracle came within a few hours as the perfect new client.

Maybe you’re thinking: Yeah, right. Well, a new client isn’t exactly a miracle, now is it. But it is for me, because asking for something to happen within 48 hours and then watching it happen within that time frame is absolutely something out of the ordinary for me. That’s the proof. The miracle is that I manifested something I wasn’t expecting.

Actually the proof, the miracle, is the result of both exercises together. I created my miracle with each result. You see, the universe responds to your strongest belief on any given subject. If you, deep down inside, think that you have to struggle for everything, like I do, and that you are frequently disappointed, like I am, then you will receive evidence of disappointment and struggle. So I powerfully manifested that result time and again. If you release that negative belief and allow yourself to trust that the universe will provide you with evidence of your positive outcome, it will provide you with evidence of your prosperity, just as quickly as it did for me. You are proving your power of manifestation either way.

To quote the greatest life coach of my generation, Miles, as he gives his sage advice to Joel Goodson: “Every now and then say, ‘What the fuck!’ ‘What the fuck!’ gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.”

Go ahead. Call for a miracle.

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